Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
