So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
