She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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