I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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