I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The power of my boobs compel you
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
