apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
