you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
