woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
