this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
