Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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