my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
