I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
