I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
