you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
