You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
