Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
