Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
