who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
