It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
too bad you live with your parents still
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
