Even water is tasting like jack daniels
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
