1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
