all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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