What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
