I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
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