Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
