My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
