this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
And then my night got REAL pukey
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
