I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
