Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
