Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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