I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
