we're blogging at a bar
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
