She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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