There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
