So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I need to sanitize my soul.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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