I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
