the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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