This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
