# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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