if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
