So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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