What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
