she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
