Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
