I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
