they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
