Got a toothbrush?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
