Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
