The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
