I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
