I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
