she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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