In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
